Flipo-taku

Here I am again back home in America. Land of overweight, mean-looking, Latino-gangster-clothing-style, rude people. I am reconsidering my desire to live in Japan after all of what I went through over there, yet I am still not satisfied with living here in Seattle. With that said here are a few things I will miss about Japan.

Beer and Women with every meal

Yes, if you are over 20 in Japan and are eating a meal with your peers and especially if you are in the company of some fine Nippon-Jineze women, after that slab of raw cow tongue dipped in miso/wasabe, you down a mug of beer. And if someone pours you another mug, your obligated to drink it until they stop looking at you. That made for some interesting dining. And it seems like all the girls I ever dined with were trained in the arts of kyabakura and made great conversation partners… Even if it got a bit slurred towards the end. The best parts is that this was Just dinner which started usually at about 19:00 and was just a pre-funk kind of thing before the main event. But don’t get it wrong, it was nothing like a pre-funk, it was an actual dinner, almost like fine dining.

Designated directions on stairs
GOD. Fuck you Americans. Why the fuck do you walk in the middle of the stairs. Or why is it when you are in a hurry and going up an escalator, there are some fuck-bags standing next to each other talking about whose asshole hurts more from last night and blocking you from walking up the escalator. In Japan every escalator has a magic wizard of Oz voice telling you to move to the left if you are standing still and make way for people on the right. This not only applies to escalators, but people usually take the same rule to the stairs. No one walks on the wrong side. There is but one exception. Tokyo rush hour merits the entire use of a stair well to one direction. It’s like a fucking salmon ladder, and me the gaijin grizzly waiting to snatch up the hotties at the top of the fish ladder. Godamn, and as soon as I get back here in the states, right at the fucking airport, i was rushing to get up an escalator to get to the baggage claim so i can get the fuck home, as as I was about to step on the fucking magic stair some bitch and her cunt ass fat bitch friend cuts in front of me drop their baggage on the next step and take up the entire width of the escalator complaining about how hot it was. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU.

Fast food vending machines
Fast food in Japan is completely different. Just because it’s fast it doesn’t mean its unhealthy. For example: ramen is considered fast food. Especially when it is dispensed from a machine like above. No you fucking gaijin, the ramen doesn’t come out of the machine. They do away with menus and you place your order on the machine and you get a meal ticket, which you give to the expediter, who p laces the order to the chef. Then you sit down and wait a couple minutes for your fucking noodles, retard. The machine handles change and order changes too. So this saves the time of hiring an incompetent till who gives out incorrect change.

Alcohol and women at any establishment (except the library)
Yes. I admin I had a bit of help from my good friend Hiroki with the women, but everywhere we went, we had good company and mother fucking nomi-hodai. That means unrestricted(bottomless)-drinks you stinky ass gaijin. Go get some fucking deodorant. Not only at any establishment, but you could also drink in public. The park, the train, the bathroom, in a taxi. But in those places, you are going to have to provide your own drinks as there is no standard services in public areas. Zan-nen baka.

Everyone wears mother-fucking suits
If there was a classiest country in the world, it would be Japan. The majority of the population wheres suits throughout the whole day. Those who miss the last train even wear it the entire day and even sleep in it, right next to the subway entrance. Yeah, godamn Americans think it’s ok to wear sweats to work or mustard stained wife beaters. I tried to fit in by wearing a sports jacket and a button up express shirt, but my friend told me that if he coule, he would never wear a suit ever again ;__;.

Bidets

Cellphone number exchange
To be continued…

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 13th, 2010 at 5:01 pm You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.