In all my life I’ve always been told that giving cash for a present is inappropriate and tactless. I disagree. Given you lack the creativity and/or knowledge of a person but wish to give them a monetary congratulations I myself find it one of those most versatile and appropriate gifts of all.

But let’s just run with a cash gift is inappropriate. Breaking it down, if you give someone cash, you give them a trade good. A gift card is a trade good, but it differs in that you may only use it at a certain place. Now if cash is a crappy gift, then this difference makes gift cards the crappiest gift ever.

It’s like telling someone, ‘Hey, I couldn’t find an appropriate gift, so instead of giving you something you cash which you can enjoy everywhere, here is a card which you can only use at this store I happen to be shopping at when I thought of you.’

more like, ‘Hey, screw you, jack ass.’

If you give someone a gift card instead of cash, you probably don’t know much about them anyways. So what makes you think you know what stores they shop at? Do you really think that someone wants to pay with a gift card at the Hard Cock Cafe anyways?

Did you see what I did there?

Not only that, but there is always an integer amount on the card. When everything in America is trailing by ‘.99′ when is anything ever going to come out to be an integer? You then end up with a gift card with some useless amount under a dollar where then the cashier asks you if you want to add more to the card or buy something else to use it up. No just keep it bitch. That plastic hurts the lump on my ass.

Seriously, gift cards are for douche-bags.